Monday, July 18, 2005

From the Director

"I'm going to gain 400 lbs"
"I'm going to find someone special and make them less so"
"I'm going to ditch this high-paying job and learn how to cook with government cheese"

How have YOUR New Year's resolutions held up? We know how hard it can be to keep the commitments you make to yourself. Thank golly for that! If being true to yourself were easy, there wouldn't be a lot of money to be made helping those of you who fail to do it!

The truth is, if you want something and don't have the fortitude to make it happen for yourself, it probably won't. But rather than accept personal responsibility and the shame of failure, the classes in this catalog will provide an easy and relatively cheap alternative--after taking a class promising to make 'fast and easy' something you've been unable to do, and finding that goal as impossibly out of your reach as it was before, you'll be able to blame the failure on the class. It will no longer be your failure. You'll be the victim, and who can blame a victim for being unable to meet the goals they set for themselves?

So aim for the sky! We'll be there when you fall short. As Tony Orlando, a former Learning Abscess instructor said, "Put the blame on me!"

Bachem Macuno, Executive Director, The Learning Abscess
___________________________________________________________________


Native American Gynecology
With Edgar Tree Stump

Lakota Elder Edgar Tree Stump is a scout, or interpreter, of the female anatomy, or the ‘Sweat Lodge with Hair’ as it is called on the Reservation. This is where ancient Indian tradition teaches his people that life begins. He has spent a lifetime administering to the Lakota women, using instruments made from buffaloes passed down for generations.

‘Squawboxes’ hold many secrets, and Native American gynecologists have more or less proven methods to drive out evil spirits that cause infections, like the Yeast Demons; special admixtures of leaves and bear dung which have been applied to Herpes outbreaks for centuries; and an unorthodox view of crabs, which are regarded as a good omen for the coming crops. After this informative powwow, you’ll understand why Edgar’s tribal name is ‘Dances with Vaginas.’

Course 2483 August 1 8-10pm

An Evening with
MARIEL HEMINGWAY

Beautiful, talented, intelligent and spiritually evolved, Mariel Hemingway is an amazing, independent woman who has truly succeeded on her own terms. But that doesn't mean she doesn't get lonely, or have needs like any other woman. And let's face it, the acting offers aren't exactly pouring in anymore. Taken together, these circumstances have given rise to a unique opportunity for you to enjoy the intimate company of the Academy Award-nominated granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway, in your own home, or in a nice hotel, or in a not-so-nice motel, or in a reasonably comfortable van.

A serious practitioner of Yoga for 20 years who has studied Ashtanga, Anusara, Iyengar, Kundalini and Kriya, Mariel can not only discuss these various philosophies and methodologies but can perform elaborate contortions to allow serious Cirque de Sole-style fucking that will blow your nuts clean off.

Whether you would like to enjoy this amazing opportunity one-on-one or with a few buddies, Mariel is a non-judgmental woman of the world, and is game for anything life throws at her.

Course 2293 August 2 or whenever's good for you 8pm-Late


Work With Your Angels to Realize Your Dreams, Potential and Highest Life Purpose
Revenge!


Your angels stand by you always, and their goal is to assist you in exacting cold-blooded vengeance on those in your life to whom it is so sorely owed. Right now, your beloved angels in their infinite benevolence want to help you drive your enemies deep into the earth’s crust, and want your retribution stamped in indelible ignominy on the faces of their children and their children's children, forever. May their piteous tears cut riverbeds in their cheeks for all eternity! Your angels are especially fond of how the Romans dealt with the Carthaginians. Romans—those people knew how to work with their angels.

Course 5343 August 3 7-9pm


Energize Your Internal Chakras and Make Me a Sandwich
Pronto!

Your body, according to Yoga philosophy, has seven Chakras or centers of spiritual energy, and the sooner you connect meaningfully with these powerful areas in your body, the sooner it will begin to dawn on you that my sandwich isn’t going to make itself. Your Chakras hold powerful memories, such as those of sandwiches you’ve made for me in the past. Use them--properly attuning yourself to the connection points between your physical body and your energy body is the first step towards getting your ass in the kitchen. Awaken the power and potential others like myself see in you, and you will see it is entirely within your abilities to find me some chips to go with that.

And remember, you can cut it sideways or diagonally—rely on your own intuitive instincts; you are the boss!--just bring it to me, chop-chop.

Course 2717 August 4 7-9pm

Learn French with
STEVEN SEAGAL

Are you preparing for a trip to France, Belgium, Martinique, or certain parts of Canada? Did you know that you can gain a working understanding of French simply by using the language setting available on the DVD release of any Steven Seagal movie? Imagine effortlessly picking up French grammar and pronunciation while enjoying such classic movies as ‘Above the Law,’ ‘Hard to Kill,’ ‘Under Siege,’ or ‘On Deadly Ground.’ By the time you arrive at your destination, you’ll be fluent in such phrases as "Êtes-vous un certain genre de type dur ? (Are you some kind of tough guy?), "Si je fais ceci, nous faisons ma manière" (If we do this, we do it my way), "Il est tranquille. Peu trop un tranquille" (It’s quiet. A little too quiet) and "Ils ont juste sali avec le chef pâteux faux." (They just messed with the wrong pastry chef).

As a special bonus, students of the Steven Seagal French Method will also learn how interact with citizens of the nation they visit, and if necessary, to dislocate their elbows.

Course 3117 August 8 7-9pm


How To Find Your Own North Star
Give Your Life Direction

Do you ever feel lost? Look up in the night sky and locate the big dipper. Directly above the open end of this formation is a large bright star. That's it. You're welcome.

Course 2117 August 8 9:30-9:35pm



How to Start a Career in Hollywood
Selling your organs!

You say you’ve got a great idea for a movie or TV show, or you want to turn your passion for acting into a rewarding career, but that you have no way of getting the ‘right people’ interested in you? Well if you’ve got two healthy kidneys, or only one but also some serious moxie, YOU CAN!

Organs are failing in high-powered entertainment executives all the time—this is where you come in! Letting someone who’s really someone in this town farm your organs is an excellent way of meeting the right person to get your career off of life support! Let a hard-living, internal organ-killing exec put YOUR talent under his intensive care! Your corneas could be your ticket to a round of meetings with the last people you ever need to see! Make your vision come true and be the only blind guy with a production office on the Paramount lot! Do you feel in your bones you have what it takes to make it? That’s your marrow talking! Or be an intestine donor—if you have the guts to succeed in Hollywood! And if you have a fertile creative imagination, and fertile sperm or eggs, some sterile Hollywood couple can help you conceive a movie deal and allow you to give birth to your creative dreams!

Which would you rather be able to say: ‘I’ve still got my boring old liver’ or ‘I’ve got a three-picture deal’? Isn’t it time your organs helped you start living?

Course 2611 August 9 8-10pm

Upgrade Your Brain
Yours is for Shit

Your brain is the most sophisticated, high-speed computer ever invented, which accounts for your inability to operate it competently, given that you don't understand half the buttons on your TV's remote control. The vast majority of people have exactly the brain that they have cultivated, and that suits their lifestyle. So relax, your brain was never the problem; it was the way you let it turn to pudding by not offering it any challenges beyond the occasional word-search puzzle. Anyway, why do you need an upgraded brain anyway? Do you read 'Drabble' and not get the jokes? What, do you want to turn off 'Access Hollywood' and learn Calculus? Are you going to put down Entertainment Weekly and take a stab at Finnegan's Wake? Relax. Smart people are no happier, usually much less so. They are generally neurotic and what's more, hopelessly and massively outnumbered. They should be looking for classes to downgrade their brains, not the other way around.

Still not convinced? Then take our class that will describe how to keep your brain young by wearing diapers, or how to gain a photographic memory by taking a photograph of whatever you want to remember, or how to enter the genius zone simply by hanging out with people much dumber than yourself, or how to channel your right-brain wisdom by having the left hemisphere of your brain removed. Woo-hoo. Feel smarter yet?

Course 2990 August 10 7-9pm


An Evening with
ELLEN DEGENERES

A pioneer and television icon, Ellen DeGeneres made history in April 1997 when her on-screen persona, Ellen Morgan from the series Ellen, daringly became the first openly gay leading character on Television, unless you count Billy Crystal's Jody on Soap 20 years before, or Firing Line with William F. Buckley. She then went on to achieve what no one imagined possible: making a show about lesbianism so boring that a nation of men tuned in elsewhere. She then expressed her hatred for America by inflicting upon it Anne Heche, whom she memorably finger-banged in the White House before a nonplussed President Clinton. Continuing her conquest of what was previously thought impossible, she is currently hosting a daytime talk show that actually makes Wayne Brady look ‘edgy.’

Join Ellen as she discusses her views on things she only partially understands; on her disturbing enthusiasm for the writings and views of American Nazi Party founder George Lincoln Rockwell; and on her vendetta against Showtime's 'The L Word' ("It's a dirty lie. Most lesbians do not look like Victoria's Secret models. They look like Wendy from Snapple with a crew-cut.") Where does Ellen get her comedy ideas? And why? Find out tonight!

Course 9333 August 11 7-9pm



How to Make Hundreds of Dollars in Fast Food
Monthly!

If you’ve ever eaten at a fast food restaurant and thought "This doesn’t look so hard—I could do this!" then maybe it’s time you found out for yourself! It’s not for everyone, but for the fortunate few, the rewards are up to tens of tens of dollars, weekly! Not to mention an employee discount on food!

You’ll learn key tips on: adjusting your paper hat; responding to buzzers; working pictogram cash registers; change and how to make it; and resisting putting your fingers in the deep fryer. Think you’re drive-thru crew material? Learn how to make the customer say yes to supersizing!

Once you take this class, you’ll find making and serving fast food almost as easy as eating and eliminating it!

Course 2116 August 15 8-10pm


For Pit Bull Owners Only!
Oopsie-daisy!

If you’re shamed by your small penis and can’t afford a Hummer, it’s natural to want a Pit Bull. But as great as it is to have a dog that has methodically had the intelligence bred right out of its eyes, you know that sooner or later some toddler is going to wind up getting affectionately mauled, or some other neighborhood pet is going to get played with into 2 or more pieces, or someone is going to wind up a few fingers short of ten. If that's the price of you feeling like a man, so be it!

A Pit Bull is, after all, a shark with four paws that sees the world as a confusing crowd of chattering potential chew-toys. But that doesn't mean you have to take responsibility for the naturally resulting carnage! Learn go-to phrases at blood-splattered scenes like 'Gosh, nothing like this has ever happened before!'; 'He's really just a gentle puppy!'; and 'I wonder what was done to provoke him?' Learn what your homeowners insurance covers for grievous bodily injury--and consider upping your coverage!

Hey, we both know that these darlings were bred for nothing but tearing flesh. When they kill something, there's no remorse--they expect a reward! And you'd better have one! Anyway, who's going to discipline the hairy little chainsaw? You? Not fucking likely! That's 100 lbs. of malevolent muscle, tough guy; you're lucky it doesn't put a leash on you!

Course 7225 August 16 7-9pm


Sue Everybody!
For Anything!

Have you ever been frustrated, inconvenienced, or irritated? Did you know that any dissatisfaction you have ever suffered through in your life is grounds for a lawsuit? Well it is! Thanks to the fact that Personal Injury Lawyers now outnumber housepets, unlimited opportunities to file lawsuits now exist. They'll be fighting over your case, no matter how frivolous, allowing you to seek damages where most people, in their narrow-mindedness, might feel your case is dubious or outright specious. Let's see what a court thinks!

Like too many people, you may believe you must have a credible case in order to sue. I don't know who gave you this misguided impression--but you should probably sue them! Learn techniques for blaming other people for your circumstances, actions, or limitations--and make them pay! Be astonished that a full jury with alternates have to be taken from their lives and responsibilities to hear your "case." And if you think the generally lamentable intellect of most juries won't work in your favor, you're in for a pleasant surprise! Take advantage of living in a culture that fetishizes victimization--and if the jury doesn't find in your favor, sue them too!

Course 2332 August 17 7-9pm


JANE GOODALL shares
Lovemaking Techniques of the Great Apes

Ever want to behave like a gorilla in bed, but don’t know how? Jane Goodall has spent 40 passionate years studying chimpanzees in the wild and has come to know them intimately—and we do mean intimately. We’re talking ‘Gorillas in the Ms.!’

In this fascinating evening, Dr. Goodall will broaden your understanding of primates beyond creatures in a zoo and help you to come to understand them as dynamic sexual beings! You too can become a knuckle-dragger in the bedroom, as you view raw footage that will give you a breathtaking look into the amazing world of copulating chimpanzees, Man’s sexiest living relatives.

You’ll be screwing like you’ve got thumbs on your feet in no time!

Course 3200 August 18 8-10pm


An Evening with
ED BEGLEY, JR.

Articulate, passionate, unpredictable and more than a little offbeat, Ed Begley Jr. is a true Hollywood original. Inspired to become an actor by the Academy Award-winning father, Ed's breakthrough role as Dr. Victor Ehrlich on the long-running series St. Elsewhere was recognized with 6 Emmy nominations.

Tonight, Ed will share some of his tips for coping with the ups and downs of an acting career--and of life. He'll reveal his strategies for dealing with agents, writer's, producers and networks, and share insights on his eco-friendly lifestyle. He will also deal with the topic attendees are likely most intrigued and fascinated by: his penis. Rumored not only to be the biggest in Hollywood, but possibly throughout the state of California, Ed's penis has been the subject of conjecture and legend for more than two decades. Even famed tripod Milton Berle once quipped 'Sweet Jesus, will that thing take peanuts out of my hand?' "Mr. Ed" will discuss the problems of storage presented by most trousers and his elaborate and laborious methods of cleaning the goddamn thing.

Seating is limited. Be sure to stand back. Dude was the model (uncredited) for the CGI artists who made ‘Anaconda.’

Course 0014 August 21 7-9pm


Create the Life You Dream About
By Having Vastly Scaled-Back Dreams

You may not know it, but there’s only one thing keeping you from living the life of your dreams. The magical key to making your dreams come true almost instantly is to dream much more modestly. Anyone can attain everything he or she hopes for, simply by wanting much, much less! Think about it: if you made it your goal to lead a dissatisfied life largely unencumbered by luxury items, working a stultifying job for a boss you detest, while leading a personal life bereft of meaningful relationships, your dreams would already be fully realized. How great would that feel?

Don't be caught in the web so many others are, tyrannized by their own aspirations. Take a hard look around--welcome to your dream!

Course 7274 August 22 7-9pm


Erotic Massage for Pets

Anyone who has ever had a pet knows how much they love to be petted affectionately. This class will share techniques for raising the level of intimacy between you and your pet to an entirely new level, one that will be immensely richer and more gratifying for you both.

The class will cover how to best prepare your pet for the sensual experience you are to share and how to create a mood-setting environment in which to ease your pet through the natural, initial confused reaction and into a state of unprecedented ecstasy.

Also covered is: how to tell the difference between 'good' growling and those warning you that you're about to get bit, what oils to avoid due to your pet's heightened sense of smell, and how to locate the various erogenous zones on your pet that will unlock untrammeled pleasure for you both. After just one session, a mere scratch behind the ear will never be enough for either of you ever again.

Course 4360 August 23 7-9pm


The Art of Exotic Dancing for the Morbidly Obese
The ‘Bad Idea’ Light on your Mental Dashboard Should Be Glowing Bright Red

This introductory class is about you finding you, and doing it by forcing others to view every ghastly yard of your swollen, Hostess Product-ravaged body. In it, you'll learn how to move with a hideously misguided confidence and demonstrate a stunning disconnectedness from reality and the horrifying spectacle your corporeal immensity presents.

You'll have them yelling "Put it on! PUT IT ON!!" in no time! You're not just too much female for them; you're too much female for most cattle ranchers. Much of you will continue to shake, sway and quiver gelatinously for several minutes after you stop dancing—and if people think it's repulsive when you begin, wait until you start sweating!

Course 8481 August 24 7-9pm


Learn How to Count Cards

Open a deck of cards. Remove the jokers. Now, count the cards one by one. If you got 52, congratulations! If not, try again and again until you do.

Course 3838 August 24 7-7:05pm


Conversations with the Invisible World of the Streets
Discover the Ancient Art of Pimping
With Renowned Ho Master Snooky Watkins

Many cultures throughout the world have sophisticated systems for putting girls out on the street to sell their sunshine to a dark and shadowy clientel. South Philly is no different. In this unforgettable evening, South Philly's 'High Priest of Pimping,' Snooky Watkins will introduce you to the ancient method of intimidation, of "compassion with the threat of violence" that has bought him more velour than most men ever see.

As Snooky interprets and explains the "Mystic Laws of the Streets," you'll learn: the subtle art of giving your Hos 'trick' names; how to foster and exploit hard-core drug addiction among your 'stable;' how to locate and tap into your city's convention market; how to tell if one of your Hos "be holdin' out" or if "bitch be lyin';" what situations call for a wire hanger and what situations call for merely the back of your hand; and so much more!

Course 7225 August 25 7-9pm


START PROCRASTINATING—SOON!
You may already be almost ready to start!

Has tackling those big projects and meeting your goals in a timely fashion left you with nothing to do or look forward to? Join other miserable high-achievers at this seminar led by Arnold Pashkow, the 'Guru of I've-been-meaning-to-do-that.' Mr. Pashkow will help you not only get motivated to procrastinate, but to create delays in avoiding getting your procrastination underway! Where there's a will, there's a won't!

You'll learn techniques to effect procrastination and put your life on auto-pilot. Learn how to: construct a list of clear and specific goals and misplace it; reinforce limiting beliefs; foster and embrace feelings that will keep you from achieving what you want; employ time mismanagement techniques that really do work; transform your goals into fantasies and concrete plans into abstract possibilities. Make registering for theis class the last thing you do forever! After all, the day after tomorrow is two days closer to the rest of your life!

Course 2303 August 26-9pm


An Evening Throwing Things at
SIDNEY SHELDON


Author of 16 #1 New York Times Best-selling novels, Sidney Sheldon is known for books such as "The Other Side of Midnight" and his latest, "The Sky is Falling." He's also a successful screenwriter and playwright. Tonight will offer you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to throw objects at him, tied prone and helpless on stage. Anything from eggs, vegetables and water balloons to acid, Chinese throwing stars and bricks; everything's fair game as we target Sidney with all the audience has to offer until he is dead--and why stop there? When we're done, you'll be able to pick up what's left of Mr. Sheldon with a mop.

Whether you hate Sidney Sheldon, books your mom reads, or both, this will be an unforgetable experience for all. Sign up today!

Course 4529 August 27 7-9pm


Sexual Secrets Your Partner Wishes to Christ You Knew
Taught by your partner herself!

I can’t believe I have to go through all of this just to get you do things right. Do you know what I had to go through to get this class inserted in the catalog schedule? Never mind. If this is what it takes, I’ll do it.

First you need to know the number one sure sign that I’m faking an orgasm: you can always tell I’m faking an orgasm when you think I’m having an orgasm. Are you surprised? Well then at least one of us can surprise the other in bed! Seriously, if I want rerun after rerun in bed, I’ll turn on Seinfeld, jackass. And by the way, your ‘go-to’ move of wedging your thumb up my ass is really misguided. Do you think I’m a goddamn bowling ball? Why not ram your whole thumb into your ear instead?

It’s a clitoris, not a fucking Rubik’s Cube. Figure it out! Here’s a hint—stop fucking jabbing at me with your finger like you’re trying to get the light to change at a crosswalk! And the way you get frustrated when I don’t start faking my orgasm soon enough for you is really fucking charming; great touch there. Keep it up; you’re going to wake up with a pair of scissors in your neck, I swear to Christ.

Course 3606 August 28 8-10pm


Writers Internment Camp
Roundup Time for Screenwriters!

What rats are to New York, screenwriters are to Los Angeles; that is, you can't order a meal anywhere in town without the sickening suspicion that one of them has been around your food. Not to mention catching them in the headlights of your Lexus, scurrying around dumpsters!

It's time to show this filthy menace who's boss! Are you sick of hearing how 'integral' a script is to the filmmaking process? Ever wonder if successful movies can be made from executives notes alone? Now's the time to find out! This session will outline plans to capture as many screenwriters as possible and herd them into hastily constructed desert camps, where they'll be castrated and quarantined. You'll be able to wave to them as you drive to weekends in Palm Springs! We'll burn down the WGA headquarters and taser them as they flee!

Class space is limited; enroll today!

Course 4444 August 29 7-9pm


WAYNE DYER with
Spiritual Solutions to Life’s Laundry Problems

You may have seen acclaimed Psychotherapist Dr. Wayne Dyer on one of his thousands of television appearances and been struck not only by his insights but also by his remarkably clean clothes. After his classic Your Erroneous Zones, he became more interested in the mind/clean clothes connection, with two lesser-known books: When I Treat My Synthetics Like Permanent Press, I Feel Guilty and My Knits and Delicates, My Self.

In this inspirational evening, Dr. Dyer will give you spiritual solutions to common laundry problems. You'll learn to go deep within yourself to solve grass, blood, or motor oil stains; break bonds with the past and release negativity using fabric softener; and use your life-force to get your whites whiter and your colors brighter.

Dr. Dyer will also explain why your belief system is the basis for all the dry cleaning you will ever do; how to get in touch with and manage your power to manifest bleaching action; and use your subconsious mind to end static cling forever! Don't miss this chance to use Dr. Dyer's wisdom to put your obstacles in the rinse cycle!

Course 1910 August 30 7-9pm


Get Hard Up for Life!
Spiritual Growth Through Near-Sex Experiences
With Dan ‘Blueballs’ Alton

Dan Alton’s best-seller Out at Third detailed his remarkable near-sex experiences and life-altering sexual frustration. He has aroused the pity of millions worldwide with his stifled hopes and total inability to get laid.

In this fascinating seminar, based on his best-seller and his new book, Even Prostitutes Turn Me Down, he'll offer bitter insights on the rejection he's suffered firsthand. You'll learn how to:

-Awaken your sense of desperation
-Discover your sexual repellence
-Along with hope, banish fear of unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease
-Prepare gourmet dinners for one
-Wait to cry until after you jerk off

As an added bonus, Dan will ponder the questions 'Can teaching an adult education course get me laid?' and 'Do you have a sister?' at length.

Course 3117 August 30 7-9pm


How to Stalk a Celebrity

Not everyone has the right talent, resourcefulness, or last name to qualify as a celebrity, but almost anybody can become the next best thing—a celebrity stalker! Using the principles outlined in this class, you'll learn to turn your fandom into fixation, and then into obsession. Lots of fans can get autographs from their favorite celebrity--that's small time! How many of them can get restraining orders, or come to recognize that they are unacknowledged spouses?

Being a stalker is more than just being a paparazzo without a camera. It means entering into a relationship with a celebrity unlike any other in their lives. Your bond is special, more special than anyone knows, except the celebrity in question, who playfully pretends not to! Stalking means going through their garbage to make sure they're eating right; it's learning everything about their home alarm system so you know they're safe; it's about constructing elaborate fantasy lives you share together, and coming to understand their apparent obliviousness to the depth of your relationship with them is an elaborate prank they're playing on you. Well a joke's a joke, but enough's enough! You'll make them admit the truth, no matter what!

Course 1690 August 31 7-9pm

61 Comments:

Blogger Blan Doom said...

These classes are nothing like those offered at the thelearningannex.com! From the moment that I started to think about taking the thelearningabscess' course on procrastination, I felt the power of knowing that I had unlimited potential to do something someday!

10:41 AM  
Blogger ces said...

you are a god! i want my sandwich right now bitch. and don't put any of that chaka shit on it either. for chris' sakes, who the hell references land of the lost anymore? thanks for the north star and card counting classes. fulfillment, i feel, is just around the corner - soon as i get me a pit!

6:20 PM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Dear Pacific Ocean,

There's this filthy sprawl of bullshit starting at your coast, extending into the mountains. You will know it by the cloud of brown air, like a toxic umbrella lurking above it from the assholes driving around in their leased BMW's.

I know it will taste bad, but will you eat it? As a personal favor to me?

Love,
Allison S

*****

I kind of want to take Jane Goodall's gorilla mating class..

11:51 AM  
Blogger J. said...

Where's the damn sign up coupon? I have my credit card number memorized - should I say I have A credit card number memorized - and can't register for ANY of the classes I want to take!

Shit.

I was looking forward to sending my beau to "Sexual Secrets Your Partner Wishes to Christ You Knew"

10:00 AM  
Blogger jazz said...

this was famous. i loved it...

6:32 AM  
Blogger kissfan said...

Bachem, I look forward to everyone of you writings. You never fail to make me laugh until I cry. Thank you!

6:33 PM  
Blogger Ytka said...

Great work. Very happy a friend gave me your address. Will be visiting often.

12:01 PM  
Blogger RuggerJay said...

If there's any justice in the world, you're getting paid to write. Hilarious stuff!

10:40 AM  
Blogger lennyandres0062 said...

i thought your blog was cool and i think you may like this cool Website. now just Click Here

11:51 AM  
Blogger bigbear777 said...

tooth whitening Washington DC
!!! The best teeth whitening system ever! Go to tooth whitening Washington DC

9:06 AM  
Blogger myperplexinglife2005 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, As you are probably aware, there are so many junk filled blogs. As I was searching for celebrity skin care secrets related information today, it was a nice break from the 'usual' to come across your blog. I am happy I searched for celebrity skin care secrets related ideas today. Thanks.

3:06 PM  
Blogger rentecurto1003 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, As you are probably aware, there are so many junk filled blogs. As I was searching for celebrity skin care secrets related information today, it was a nice break from the 'usual' to come across your blog. I am happy I searched for celebrity skin care secrets related ideas today. Thanks.

12:01 AM  
Blogger eldwinjoshuawong1001 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, I was searching online for some make up secrets of the stars related sites and a I came across your post. I normally don't take the time to look at blogs but today I made an exception. After searching for about an hour for make up secrets of the stars it is nice to find a post that is helpful. Thanks.

9:31 PM  
Blogger DutchTreats950 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, As you are probably aware, there are so many junk filled blogs. As I was searching for beauty secrets for hair related information today, it was a nice break from the 'usual' to come across your blog. I am happy I searched for beauty secrets for hair related ideas today. Thanks.

6:01 PM  
Blogger DutchTreats950 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, As you are probably aware, there are so many junk filled blogs. As I was searching for make up artist secrets related information today, it was a nice break from the 'usual' to come across your blog. I am happy I searched for make up artist secrets related ideas today. Thanks.

7:33 PM  
Blogger allfreei said...

good resource here. I would also link to auto

6:43 AM  
Blogger DutchTreats950 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, There are not too many good make up secrets of the stars related sites that aren't full of junk posts, search engine scraping and except for keyword stuffing, nothing useful related to make up secrets of the stars. It was nice to find an exception today when I happened upon your site. Keep it going.

6:02 PM  
Blogger DutchTreats950 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, There are not too many good celebrity skin care secrets related sites that aren't full of junk posts, search engine scraping and except for keyword stuffing, nothing useful related to celebrity skin care secrets. It was nice to find an exception today when I happened upon your site. Keep it going.

10:20 PM  
Blogger hsv667 said...

Hello Bachem Macuno, I am always amazed at how many people simply brush aside all the warnings about Sexually transmitted diseases. If one recollects about how long the warnings regarding general STD's have been about, and how fast they are spreading, particularly in the africa, not even mentioning human herpes virus, then the value of sites like this post become obvious. The proliferation of Sexually transmitted diseases such as human herpes virus. Keep up the good work I enjoyed your site and will visit it again soon.

12:38 AM  
Blogger jembigsky506 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno. So many sites I visited today, while looking for celebrity skin care secrets pages to post to my blog, were full of garbage. It was nice to find something real at your site. Well, I better go look for some more celebrity skin care secrets pages for my own readers. Thanks.

8:17 PM  
Blogger DutchTreats950 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno. So many sites I visited today, while looking for beauty secrets for hair pages to post to my blog, were full of garbage. It was nice to find something real at your site. Well, I better go look for some more beauty secrets for hair pages for my own readers. Thanks.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

This blog is great! If you get a chance you may want to visit this submission
site, it's

pretty awesome, too!

11:33 AM  
Blogger myperplexinglife2005 said...

Hi Bachem Macuno, There are not too many good hollywood beauty tips related sites that aren't full of junk posts, search engine scraping and except for keyword stuffing, nothing useful related to hollywood beauty tips. It was nice to find an exception today when I happened upon your site. Keep it going.

1:43 AM  
Blogger Chuck Reynolds said...

I've Made My First Affiliate Commission!

See How I Did It Here - It's Quick And Easy!

telecommunication product

9:01 AM  
Blogger www.k-and-ktreasures.com said...

I just came across your blog about ford contour body kit and I think it is really informative for all of your members. You could consider visiting my site about ford contour body kit to guide your guests towards products and services related to ford contour body kit. Keep up the good work!

2:58 PM  
Blogger telekom said...

Hi, Need to know about telecommunications story or update, so visit my website **Telecom** site/blog. It pretty much covers Telecommunications Updates related stuff.

Have a nice day.
Otai

2:12 AM  
Blogger www.k-and-ktreasures.com said...

I found your blog on sunbeam gas grill while searching the web and wanted to tell you it is great. Feel free to have your participants view sunbeam gas grill for more great ideas.

12:45 PM  
Blogger hplauze said...

Well I just got back from the gym and I am beat. I am currently doing some research on cheap discount hotel and stumbled across your blog. Which cracks me up really. The internet can certainly land you off base sometimes. Even though this post is not completely related I think it is a cool blog. I have read back through the archives and lots of people make some very good points. Well I have been on-line forever it seems. I need to continue to plug away at cheap discount hotel. If you have the energy swing by cheap discount hotel. I try to update my site weekly and maybe you will see something you like. I already snagged your URL and put it in my favorites. If you do not mind I will be back again. Great job!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Derek said...

Well I just got back from the gym and I am beat. I am currently doing some research on discount hotel key west and stumbled across your blog. Which cracks me up really. The internet can certainly land you off base sometimes. Even though this post is not completely related I think it is a cool blog. I have read back through the archives and lots of people make some very good points. Well I have been on-line forever it seems. I need to continue to plug away at discount hotel key west. If you have the energy swing by discount hotel key west. I try to update my site weekly and maybe you will see something you like. I already snagged your URL and put it in my favorites. If you do not mind I will be back again. Great job!

4:33 PM  
Blogger hplauze said...

Sad to say I just got back from a bowling tournament and decided to log in and do some websurfing. Bachem Macuno I love your blog. I had some very good laughs. I am doing a paper on hotel discount warsaw and have been downloading information for the last hour. I don’t know how I came across this post but I am glad I did. It has set me back a little because I have spent the last hour reading your archives. If you don’t mind I would like to add you to my favorites so I can back again and read some more. Well I need to get back to hotel discount warsaw. I am almost finished with it. Great job.
p.s some very good points on your blog

5:25 PM  
Blogger hplauze said...

Well this blog certainly is not about apart chicago discount hotel price. What the heck! I guess the internet can play some tricks on us sometimes. I have been on-line for two hours
researching apart chicago discount hotel price and came tumbling across your blog. I LOVE IT! I needed a break from apart chicago discount hotel price anyways :-) If you don't mind I want to add your
blog to my favorites list so I can come back later on and read some more stuff. Well I guess I should get back to researching apart chicago discount hotel price.
Even though my search is not on this post I am glad I came across your blog. Keep blogging away!

7:51 AM  
Blogger cmeltifa said...

Sad to say I just got back from a bowling tournament and decided to log in and do some websurfing. Bachem Macuno I love your blog. I had some very good laughs. I am doing a paper on apart chicago discount hotel price and have been downloading information for the last hour. I don’t know how I came across this post but I am glad I did. It has set me back a little because I have spent the last hour reading your archives. If you don’t mind I would like to add you to my favorites so I can back again and read some more. Well I need to get back to apart chicago discount hotel price. I am almost finished with it. Great job.
p.s some very good points on your blog

3:21 PM  
Blogger cmeltifa said...

All I can say is WOW Bachem Macuno. The other half and I just got back from our friends house (well her friends house) and I needed a huge break. I am working on a project right now that is based on airfare discount hotel travelfleamarket vacation. I have literally been on-line for 2-3 hours doing research. Even though this post really isn’t on the same page as airfare discount hotel travelfleamarket vacation I am certainly glad I came across your blog. There are a ton of great view points on this blog. Well I think I can here the kids screaming in the background. I put you in my internet favorites and I will certainly come back and visit. If you want to take a peek at my site you can find me here at airfare discount hotel travelfleamarket vacation. I update my site very frequently. Again, great job blogging and I will be back again soon!

2:53 PM  
Blogger hplauze said...

All I can say is WOW! The other half and I just got back from our friends house (well her friends house) and I needed a huge break. I am working on a project right now that is based on discount luxury hotel. I have literally been on-line for 2-3 hours doing research. Even though your blog really isn�t on the same page as discount luxury hotel I am certainly glad I came across your blog. There are a ton of great view points on this blog. Well I think I can here the kids screaming in the background. I put you in my internet favorites and I will certainly come back and visit. If you want to take a peek at my site you can find me here at http://www.savings-on-hotels.com/. I update my site very frequently. Again, great job blogging and I will be back again soon!

10:26 PM  
Blogger Rebek said...

I was expecting something very very different when I visited your blog site. Well I think the information on this blog is very useful. I have my own blog and I wish I got half as many useful comments as your blog site does. Anyways, I am a substitute teacher at a local elementary school and I am always doing research on various topics of interest. This weeks area relates 75% to your blog. I already bookmarked your blog for future use. If you want my information I will leave my link at the bottom of this. If you don�t mind I will add my comments to this blog topic once in awhile. Although most of the time I just like to read and see what other people�s thoughts are! (hey I am a teacher!)
Thanks again!military discount orlando hotel.

11:34 AM  
Blogger thomas said...

A very good blog! Just added you to my url favorites. Maybe you want to do the same. I am at discount hotel in prague. I update my site frequently with new articles and data. If you do not want to no big deal. I must say though I enjoyed cruising through your blog archives. Some very useful information. I already forwarded your blog link over to a few of my friends who have similar interests. So if you see some funny remarks it maybe them! Anyways, thanks again from! discount hotel in prague

3:38 AM  
Blogger hplauze said...

I really must say this is the best blog I have ever come across in a very long time. I am not just saying that either! I am studying for my associates degrees and spent the last 5 hours (and 12 cups of java) researching this area topic. Many blogs have very generic information but yours is very different. I can actually apply some of this information to my associate studies. No worries I will give you full credit in my references section.(I will even give you a link in my blog!) I took it upon myself to add you to my favorites and will visit back to let you know how my grade ends up. Thanks so much from!airfare discount hotel travelfleamarket vacation.

7:25 PM  
Blogger sweetSteve said...

Well I just got back from racquetball and I am beat. I am currently doing some research and stumbled across your blog. Which makes me laugh really. The web can certainly land you off base sometimes. Even though your site is not completely related I think it is a cool blog. I have read back through the archives and lots of people make some good points. Well I have been on-line forever it seems. I need to continue to plug away at orono discount hotel. If you have the energy swing by http://www.savings-on-hotels.com/. I try to update my site weekly (most of the time)and maybe you will see something you like. I already grabbed your URL and put it in my favorites. If you do not mind I will be back again. Mint job!

8:13 AM  
Blogger Natwho said...

This is a really nice blog, I have been coming to it for a while and find it to be very insightful. I hope it will be kept up and additional commentary added to it soon.

I'd like to share with the other bloggers here another nice site I came across recently, it is very extensive and has a lot of great ideas and great savings on learn how to You can check the site out here www.howtoresource.com

I hope you find it as useful as I have and I would be interested in hearing any of your comments about it.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Stan said...

Welcome to the "Massage Article" Site. On this site we address many topics about prostate massage that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body.Welcome to the "Massage" Site. On this site we address many topics that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body. http://yourebooksuperstore.com/massage

8:31 PM  
Blogger Stan said...

Welcome to the "Massage Article" Site. On this site we address many topics about massage therapist that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body.Welcome to the "Massage" Site. On this site we address many topics that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body. http://yourebooksuperstore.com/massage

8:31 PM  
Blogger Stan said...

Welcome to the "Massage Article" Site. On this site we address many topics about male massage that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body.Welcome to the "Massage" Site. On this site we address many topics that will
help you learn about the different types of massages and how they effect your body. http://yourebooksuperstore.com/massage

3:34 AM  
Blogger superlong said...

Cool site on penis piercing Check out my Penis Enlargement

1:56 AM  
Blogger superlong said...

Cool site on long penis Check out my Penis Enlargement

5:42 PM  
Blogger Jamesmatthew said...

Got a response before I could finish my sandwich. Apply online for credit cards here and get approved very fast, just like me.

6:19 AM  
Blogger davidmartin45649207 said...

hey, I just got a free $500.00 Gift Card. you can redeem yours at Abercrombie & Fitch All you have to do to get yours is Click Here to get a $500 free gift card for your backtoschool wardrobe

11:52 AM  
Blogger Earn A LifeTime of Income From Anywhere! said...

Appreciated your info. Thanks and visit us at Education

7:29 PM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

He had never known his wife to relent on anyoccasion after she had affirmed her intention, supplemented with assure as voyeure free pics my name is Hannah Brown.' The dreamer was a stranger who had placed her child at school in Vienna,and who toilet voyeur was able to continue under my treatment so long as her daughterremained at Vienna.If we now follow finde amateur models our scheme of the psychicapparatus, we can localize a wish of the first order in the systemForec.He bought some oranges of a little, bowleggedblack boy, and sat down on a log to eat them and to give up his mindto enjoyment comic sado.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Spires said...

Very very funny. Quite the wit aren't you? One minor and snivellingly insignificant point is that Jane Goodall worked with Chimps and not Gorillas while Sigourney Weaver worked with Gorillas and not chimps. Now I've got to get going - Ted Haggard is making me a sandwich in the other room and cutting it a bit of snuff.
Ciao.

11:04 PM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

But its furtherprogress is now checked through the dormant state of the foreconscious;this system has apparently protected itself against invasion polnische porn bydiminishing its excitements.I watched their intercourse in society, free granniesex I sawher gay smile, her cordial greeting; I marked his frank address, hislofty courtesy.I remember that I suddenly became calm on picture of nice ass coming face to facewith my mother, as if I needed the assurance that my mother was notdead.Kingsbury's windows shone upon thepath, and the whole result of zur frau gemacht this conference so longed for, was aburst of tears from the perplexed and mortified Ellen, who sprang fromMr.

11:32 PM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

But they were very careful not to lethim see their designs, for in spite of his sixty-eight years he nude frau couldmake the boldest of them uncomfortable under the steady regard of hispiercing gray eyes.The sanguine Edward Morland looked rather blank at teenlesbian this intelligence,and his sister whispered to him, We'll get off to Mrs.And then Smiley says, That's all right--that's all right--if tuerkish gangbang you'llhold my box a minute, I'll go and get you a frog.When a word is missed, the blunderer has to sit behaarte girls down, andbe a spectator only for the rest of the evening.

11:08 PM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

If the dream continues andsettles activities of the day and even brings to light valuableinspirations, we have only to subtract from it the dream disguise as afeat of dream-work and a mark of assistance from obscure forces in thedepth of the mind ( cf geile oma pissen.His name on one side ofa gay bi sex window, his birthplace upon the other--what could be more tastefullyappropriate? Therefore, as he spelled out the reading-matter beneaththe photogravure, he was sharply disappointed.Thedifferences are here the same as those found in jpg busen moesen the gradual decline ofthe originally distinct visual imagination.And clinging to their head-coverings asthough these contained some charm whereby the owners might be rescued,the unhappy callers were herded into free teenfick videos the dining-room.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Kurt A. Tasche said...

Check out this interesting article about stephen seagal

11:08 AM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

Gideon stretched out a broad hand and touched her head lightly; dicke titten anal ficken kostenlos andwith a tiny gasp her fingers stole up to his.He concluded a long harangue by taking off hisfunnel-cap, inserting the tube into my gullet, and non stop sex thus deluging mewith an ocean of Kirschenwaesser, which he poured in a continuousflood, from one of the long-necked bottles that stood him instead ofan arm.Thisfeeling of wie ich zu einer schlampe wurde erotische geschichten dread here replaces dream displacement; I regarded the dreamwork as having prevented this in the dream of the second class.Shall wego?The klitoris games young people assented, saying they had no doubt of passing apleasant evening.

11:41 PM  
Blogger sink sink socks said...

He gave Smiley a look, as much as to say his heart was broke, andit was his fault, for putting up a dog that hadn't no hind legs forhim to fkkpics take holt of, which was his main dependence in a fight, andthen he limped off a piece and laid down and died.This is not the only case in the organism in which anotherwise efficacious arrangement became inefficacious and disturbing assoon as some element is changed in the conditions of its origin; thedisturbance then serves at least the new purpose of announcing thechange, and calling into play against it the means of adjustment of pornostar rocco theorganism.Our explanation makes the dream only the first member of a group mostimportant for the gothic porno psychiatrist, an understanding of which means thesolution of the purely psychological part of the psychiatric problem.In thehysterical phantasy, as well as in the dream, it is sufficient for theidentification if one thinks of sexual relations, whether papa fick mich or not theybecome real.

11:28 PM  
Blogger MatthewJohnson said...

The thought, however, turns in quite a different direction. http://startso11.info/google+biura+nieruchomosci+goleniow.html. For all his journey the South had seemed to welcome him, but here at last was the country he knew. http://startso11.info/Marek+Kotlinowski.html. He had bought a new horse and he wanted the widow's opinion of it, for the Widow Stimson http://startso11.info/godzina+wsch%C3%B3d+s%C5%82o%C5%84ca.html was a competent judge of fine horseflesh.. [Footnote 1: This I have attempted in Representative American Short Stories (Allyn & Bacon: http://startso11.info/top+trendy.html Boston, 1922).. Look at her breadth http://startso11.info/wyscigi+motorowe.html of beam! You could go anywhere in that boat! Are you thinking of buying her? The idea that he would think of buying a boat made Mr.. An essential constituent of this experience is the appearance of a certain perception (of food in our example), the memory picture of which thereafter remains associated with the memory trace of the excitation http://startso11.info/barbara++niemen.html of want.. The dream process, therefore, takes the regressive course, which has just been opened by the peculiarity of the sleeping state, and thereby follows the attraction exerted on it by the memory groups, which themselves exist in part only as visual http://startso11.info/aforyzmy+o+nauczycielach.html energy not yet translated into terms of the later systems.. Isn't that rather a heavy load? http://startso11.info/obnizki+cen+ps3.html he suggested.. He placed the needle at the wrong end of the tube, and drawing his breath strongly http://startso11.info/tomasz%C3%B3w+lubelski.html to puff the dart forward with force, drew the needle into his throat.. Were others cognizant of this? Were http://rebestal.info/cb.html there any witnesses? Of course not, said the girl.. I'm glad to http://startso11.info/www.wwyspagier.pl.html hear it, said the Major heartily.. Nichols, all the Unitarians; and he thought we owed it to each other that, http://startso11.info/okulistyka+k%C4%99dzierzyn+-+ko%C5%BAle.html whenever there was an occasional service at a Sandemanian church, the other brethren should all, if possible, attend.. In a world where prize pork was the best excellence, he would have carried off all the premiums. http://startso11.info/mazda+wroc%C5%82aw.html. The former issue we conceive as follows: It diffuses its energy through all the association paths emanating from it, and throws the entire chain of ideas into a state of excitement which, after lasting for a while, subsides through the transformation of the excitement requiring http://startso11.info/www.aegon.pl%2Fu235%2Fnavi%2F71.html an outlet into dormant energy.. [1] If this first issue is brought about http://wowyesaf.info/roth.html the process has no further significance for the dream formation.. He'd give him a little punch behind, and the next minute you'd see that frog whirling in the air like http://startso11.info/freefoto.html a doughnut--see him turn one summerset, or may be a couple, if he got a good start, and come down flat-footed and all right, like a cat.. That same evening I had asked him after a patient whom I had sent to him http://startso11.info/milan%C3%B3wek.html for glasses.. But for a long http://startso11.info/pu%C5%82awska.html time I exerted myself in vain.. On the contrary, he would advance questions on a variety of subjects connected with the life of that time, and he never failed to extract ready replies. http://startso11.info/fanatyk+kartonu.html. Everywhere brilliancy, but too often it is joined to cheapness; art, yet art merging swiftly http://startso11.info/www.imstalki.html into caricature...

6:51 AM  
Blogger adam brown said...

Hi, this is not so related to your page, but it is the site you asked me 1 month ago about the abs diet. I tried it, worked well. Well here is the site

4:42 PM  
Blogger adam brown said...

Hello I just entered before I have to leave to the airport, it's been very nice to meet you, if you want here is the site I told you about where I type some stuff and make good money (I work from home): here it is

3:36 PM  
Blogger milf said...

black mold exposureblack mold symptoms of exposurewrought iron garden gatesiron garden gates find them herefine thin hair hairstylessearch hair styles for fine thin hairnight vision binocularsbuy night vision binocularslipitor reactionslipitor allergic reactionsluxury beach resort in the philippines

afordable beach resorts in the philippineshomeopathy for eczema.baby eczema.save big with great mineral makeup bargainsmineral makeup wholesalersprodam iphone Apple prodam iphone prahacect iphone manualmanual for P 168 iphonefero 52 binocularsnight vision Fero 52 binocularsThe best night vision binoculars here

night vision binoculars bargainsfree photo albums computer programsfree software to make photo albumsfree tax formsprintable tax forms for free craftmatic air bedcraftmatic air bed adjustable info hereboyd air bedboyd night air bed lowest pricefind air beds in wisconsinbest air beds in wisconsincloud air beds

best cloud inflatable air bedssealy air beds portableportables air bedsrv luggage racksaluminum made rv luggage racksair bed raisedbest form raised air bedsaircraft support equipmentsbest support equipments for aircraftsbed air informercialsbest informercials bed airmattress sized air beds

bestair bed mattress antique doorknobsantique doorknob identification tipsdvd player troubleshootingtroubleshooting with the dvd playerflat panel television lcd vs plasmaflat panel lcd television versus plasma pic the bestThe causes of economic recessionwhat are the causes of economic recessionadjustable bed air foam The best bed air foam

hoof prints antique equestrian printsantique hoof prints equestrian printsBuy air bedadjustablebuy the best adjustable air bedsair beds canadian storesCanadian stores for air beds

migraine causemigraine treatments floridaflorida headache clinicdrying dessicantair drying dessicantdessicant air dryerpediatric asthmaasthma specialistasthma children specialistcarpet cleaning dallas txcarpet cleaners dallascarpet cleaning dallas

2:21 PM  
Blogger pawan kumar said...

Cheap Hotel in DelhiAre you looking for Hotels in Delhi? Call cheap hotel in Delhi Today @+91-9810104774 or Hotels in Delhi at affordable rates.

11:45 PM  
Blogger junayad khan said...

Thank you so much for providing these valuable information. I’m looking forward to the next time that I get to come to your blog.

9:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home